I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize