Yo dont text me then not text me
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
