kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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