I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
