mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
