My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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