Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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