she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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