Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
