8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
