You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
