Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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