i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
