Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
