Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
