I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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