Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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