Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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