Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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