You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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