Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
