help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
