Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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