I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found puke in my bra..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
