My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
