apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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