this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
