Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
