chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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