Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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