Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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