You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
should my penis look like a turkey
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize