No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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