Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize