You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he fucked my hip out of place.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
