you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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