I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
