maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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