i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize