first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
