It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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