They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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