Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
