i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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