just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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