I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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