Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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