I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
