sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
