oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
