I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
