just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
