he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
