Have you finally orgasmed yet?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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