Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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