So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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