Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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