what day is it and did you see me today?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
