we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
