He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
