your parents love me but you hate me
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
