kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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