Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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