If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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