Duck Duck Cougar?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
