she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
