i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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