I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
