I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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