I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
