I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Randomize
