how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize