I love black thongs
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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