i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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