Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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