ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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