I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
