oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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