if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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